“Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good”- Beth McCollister

tumblr_lxe2lbPhEs1r8jhklo1_r1_500Weight loss. Fitness. Diets. Green smoothies. Insanity workouts. Body wraps. All things that have tremendous meaning in our society today, right? I wanted to share something that is fairly personal for me…an area of my life that I still struggle with from time to time. When I was a junior in college I went to the doctor for a routine check up…I went through the usual stuff and when it was time for me to step on the scale, the doctor’s exact words were “Oh, you’re a bit on the heavier end of the scale”…..I was 159 at the time (I’m 5’3ish by the way, just to give you a visual) . Needless to say, that statement traumatized me more than I realized at the time….I became incredibly self-conscious, insecure, and obsessed with my weight. Looking back, I know that I had no one to blame for my weight gain but myself (I was roughly 120 coming into college)…I mean, I was your typical college student…living off burgers and pizza while staying in the dorms, gorged on the local taco shop every other night after the bar…drank like a rockstar every weekend, and had absolutely no clue on how to even begin getting both my weight and confidence in order; other than what I discovered on Google, I didn’t know the first thing about weight loss or fitness. As time went on, I became more depressed and frustrated about my weight…prior to that doctor’s appointment, I never considered my weight to be an issue. I knew I wasn’t the smallest person in the world, but I was comfortable with where I was. I am certain that that doctor forgot me as soon as I walked out the door, but his words stayed with me for a very long time. *takes sip of imaginary wine* Fortunately, there was a light at the end of the tunnel…I made the decision to get off my butt and do something about it…I was beyond tired of feeling sorry for myself. I took the first step by enrolling in weight training class with my boyfriend, at the time, during my senior images (1)year. Having someone there that I knew to support and motivate me got me through a lot of the rough moments in the beginning, in addition to helping me get ¬†over the initial embarrassment of working out in front of a room of complete strangers. The class ended and I still kept pushing (thankfully my determination lasted longer than my “then” boyfriend); I hired a personal trainer that happened to be in my Psych class and who, fortunately, didn’t charge a million dollars an hour. To say this is where it became challenging is an understatement…unlike before, when I was able to control my own workouts and the duration in my weight training class, I now had someone pushing me to do workouts that I had never even heard of for lengths of time I was NOT used to.

On the flip side, however, I became more obsessive and determined to achieve my weight-loss goal. Even so, there were plenty of days I wanted to say “eff” it and go the hell home. Fast forwarding about 6 months or so, I went from 159-135 by the time I parted ways with my trainer. Most would probably be satisfied with these results right? Nope, not me…I still wanted more; when I looked in the mirror I still felt like I “needed” to lose more weight. I joined a gym near my place and kept pushing myself…and this involved me beginning to use diet pills…something that I have never told anyone before. By the time it was all said and done, I was at 123…fairly skinny, even for my height. As I said, I was obsessed…at the time I equated beauty (at least for myself) to be a size 0. It was a tough point in my life, and as I think back on it, I probably would have never been satisfied with my weight and body because I wasn’t confident in myself to begin with…. In April 2011 I got pregnant so naturally, the weight that I loss, plus some extra goodies came back; I became my heaviest ever, 174, then dropped down to about 155ish once I had my daughter. Unfortunately the insecurities came back along with the weight (I no longer had the excuse of pregnancy). These insecurities, and my renewed obsession led me to attempt the Insanity workout series, barely a month after I gave birth (insane, right?).¬†download

Anywho, I have shared all of this with you guys because I wanted to tell you all about my journey to this point in my life; I realized that if you don’t like something about yourself, or your life, or whatever it may be, you can make the conscious choice to change it. I can’t lie and say that my insecurities no longer exist, they do…however, I am not the same girl that I was who felt she couldn’t do anything about them. This time I put down the diet pills and I started off slow doing simple at home workouts…Jillian Michaels, Jeannette Jenkins mostly. I don’t diet at all, but simply monitor my eating habits and practice moderation….oh, and I drink a crap ton of water, which was always a challenge for me! Of course it didn’t happen overnight but I went from 155-140…this may not seem like a large number but it has been a huge accomplishment for me…mainly because I know that I achieved this all on my own and I’m still not done! (I have been attempting to upload a progress pic for hours but this laptop is disagreeing with me for some reason, but I promise to put one up soon!)

For all my bloggers out there that are pursuing fitness goals, whether its to lose weight, bulk up, or just to get in better shape, hang in there!! Lord knows its not easy, but when you finally see those results it will be beyond worth it:-) I will post any fitness info as I come across it, including recipes and whatnot…I have a ton of those myself! Just for starters though, I have provided a few links below for the home workouts that I used starting out…I have used each one from beginning to end so please let me know if you have any questions! (*Note: I do receive a small commission from the links below via Amazon, but as I said I have personally used each one and would not recommend anything otherwise)

Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30

Jillian Michaels – 30 Day Shred

Jeanette Jenkins / The Hollywood Trainer: Bikini Bootcamp

Til’ next time….

-Me