“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”- Lucille Ball

Happy Wednesday ladies and gents!! I know, I know, long time no see, right? You would NOT believe the whirlwind my life has been for the last few weeks (including the removal of 4 wisdom teeth, which I am just now recovering from), and currently still is, although I have a somewhat better grip on my day-to-day happenings. So with that being said, the little one is sleep for a couple of hours (let us pray) and I have a moment to breathe (kinda) and much blogging to do….download (4)

I am taking a page from a blog post that I follow, The Daily Post (GREAT blog by the way), and decided to write about one of my many firsts…and for those that may want to use this particular idea for their own blog, you can write about ANY firsts…your first love, your first day at a particular job, the first time you had sushi, or made out in public (to each his own, right?). Whatever “first” that you have in mind, go for it! Me personally, I decided to write on the first day that I became a parent….not when I became pregnant, but when I actually had the little ball of snot and bodily fluids that was my daughter (and I say that with the most loving tone).

I cried. I mean of course I did the few, cute little tears of joy when she was first born, but that night, after all the hoopla died down, the in-laws had left, and the nurses were done prodding at me, it truly hit me that I was now 100% responsible for someone else’s life (other than my own obviously) and I cried like there was no tomorrow. I was scared, excited (but still more scared), and anxious about the future (but still even more scared). Lord knows I didn’t have the perfect parents growing up, and really, who did? But I was terrified that I would fail this little girl somehow and she wasn’t even a day old. So I cried, and I cried some more, then I had like 8 cans of Pepsi, and I cried even more. I never knew you could experience postpartum so soon after having a child, I thought it was a grace period of at least a month…

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My first day being a parent put my mind in a perspective that I didn’t think I would ever experience…a sense of determination that was not there before. And to be quite honest its this sense of determination that scares me sometimes. I’m so determined to be a great parent that I’m terrified that I’m going to fail at it; I experienced that whole array of emotions over the last couple of weeks. I made some mistakes (like we all do, I know) that at first made me question my ability to be a great model for my daughter…a woman that she will want to look up to and be proud of. And I am still fighting with the negative aspects of these feelings, but I have to remind myself to do the best that I can everyday and that’s the most that anyone can ask for.

I am determined to provide the best for my daughter…and not just in the cliche way that every parent wants the best for their child, but I want to offer her the things that I didn’t even know existed up until 3 years ago. I want to offer her the awareness of the power that she will have within herself, the confidence in her own abilities, and the knowledge that she can succeed at whatever she puts her thoughts and mind to. These are all things that I thought about my first day/night as a parent, and all things that I still think about till this day….I do not have a clear path on how exactly I am going to accomplish the things that I want..both as a mom and as a woman, but I have the passion and drive to take the first step 🙂

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Thanks for listening all! Til’ next time…

-Me

” I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough”- Russell Brand

Happy Baby

Love in the 21st Century

Love. One word that can already be confusing as hell. When you throw in today’s age of texting, social media, online dating, long-distance relationships, and who knows what else, the idea of love can seem like an even more complex, and unfamiliar, area. Let me start by saying that this is my own personal opinion on what I think love in the 21st century means to me, at the end of the day, however, I believe that love should be whatever you define it as. Whether its between two men, two women, a husband and wife, or high school sweethearts….love is not something that can be defined by society.

So, I am 27 years old…not that its time to send me out to pasture or anything, but I have to admit that the idea of love and relationships has seemed to evolve into a whole nother’ thing in today’s age, and especially since I have been that naive, bright-eyed highschooler madly in puppy love. And I am not just speaking from my own perceptions of today’s “love”, I also have a younger brother, who is 17 going on 30, that gives me the daily scoop on his “relationships” and “boos”, in addition to the various rules that apparently teen dating consists of. In regards to love and all this technology that has popped over the last few years, it seems that, from my experience, “relationships” (and I used that term loosely) have evolved from chirping your girlfriend/boyfriend on the latest Nextel (and that was after the phase of calling your sweetheart on their house phone, get into a good convo, then have their parents, or yours, come onto the line and say they need to use the phone) to commenting on their pictures/statuses via Facebook and/or Instagram…things that didn’t exist a decade ago. What can one do though? Times will keep a-changing…I’m confident that love will keep up however 🙂BW_Flatt_Brain

While we’re on the subject of love in the 21st century, let me steer away from technology and love and just briefly speak on what my own understanding of love is because, regardless of the technological advances that has emerged, I can definitely say my understanding of it is one thing that has evolved over the years. I was a selfish girlfriend. Boom. That’s it. Let me clarify though…I wasn’t a selfish person (well at least no more than the average person, I think we all have a bit of a selfish trait within us, but that’s neither here nor there). Even though I wasn’t a selfish individual (per se 🙂 ), when it came down to relationships….I don’t know…I just had some helluva growing up to do. Unfortunately I didn’t make that realization until years later. As I look back on it, I had my fair share of selfish moments…moments that I’m not going to go into because that’s not necessary, but they got pretty bad. And the messed up thing is I really don’t have a valid reason why…well, at least not one that doesn’t sound like a bucket of crap. I was young, naive, felt like what I wanted and/or needed was the only thing that mattered…take your pick. I didn’t grow up and get over myself until relationships were destroyed and feelings were hurt. Even more specifically, I didn’t TRULY grow up until I became involved with the gentleman I am currently with…the apple of my eye…the thorn in my side…the father of my child…the love of my life…the head in my ache….you get the idea.

It was not until we started our life together that I realized what love really is….for me. I’m not saying some generic definition like I had in the beginning of our relationship. I mean the deep, messy s*** that can sometimes happen in relationships, the stuff that stays between you and your partner because no on else would probably understand. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have loved before and if I were honest with myself I would say that I was in love before….once. My high school sweetheart (yea I was that girl)…we grew away from each other in the end, but we loved each other hard and I will always have a fondness for him. Even so, I don’t think anyone can truly comprehend what love is to them until they REALLY begin to start their life with someone (and let’s not even mention live together…that’s a whole nother’ discussion). My boyfriend has seen all my flaws…the nasty stuff..I mean I hit rock bottom with this man..and yet, he still loves me like its the beginning. And vice versa. Just to be clear, we are not perfect by a long shot…we argue…he annoys me, I annoy him, there are days when we want to shoot each other with rubber bullets…we both make our own mistakes, and we both are still learning each crianças-29other.But even with the crap I can honestly say that it did nothing but strengthen the foundation of our relationship (and trust me, it was real touch and go for a bit). And THAT is what love in the 21st century means for me; when you bring in honesty, communication, trust, and support in your relationship, everything else will fall in place. Oh, and have fun! I don’t think enough couples have fun nowadays…travel…go out…have dates…flirt..all that stuff.

Whether its the 21st century, or centuries ahead, when you are blessed to find the person who is willing to put up with you and vice versa, take care of him/her. And it regards to what love is, create your own definition…there is no right or wrong answer (unless you think love is about ruthless, dominating power or something…that might be a not-so-great answer, but to each their own!).

Til’ next time….

-Me