“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”- Lucille Ball

Happy Wednesday ladies and gents!! I know, I know, long time no see, right? You would NOT believe the whirlwind my life has been for the last few weeks (including the removal of 4 wisdom teeth, which I am just now recovering from), and currently still is, although I have a somewhat better grip on my day-to-day happenings. So with that being said, the little one is sleep for a couple of hours (let us pray) and I have a moment to breathe (kinda) and much blogging to do….download (4)

I am taking a page from a blog post that I follow, The Daily Post (GREAT blog by the way), and decided to write about one of my many firsts…and for those that may want to use this particular idea for their own blog, you can write about ANY firsts…your first love, your first day at a particular job, the first time you had sushi, or made out in public (to each his own, right?). Whatever “first” that you have in mind, go for it! Me personally, I decided to write on the first day that I became a parent….not when I became pregnant, but when I actually had the little ball of snot and bodily fluids that was my daughter (and I say that with the most loving tone).

I cried. I mean of course I did the few, cute little tears of joy when she was first born, but that night, after all the hoopla died down, the in-laws had left, and the nurses were done prodding at me, it truly hit me that I was now 100% responsible for someone else’s life (other than my own obviously) and I cried like there was no tomorrow. I was scared, excited (but still more scared), and anxious about the future (but still even more scared). Lord knows I didn’t have the perfect parents growing up, and really, who did? But I was terrified that I would fail this little girl somehow and she wasn’t even a day old. So I cried, and I cried some more, then I had like 8 cans of Pepsi, and I cried even more. I never knew you could experience postpartum so soon after having a child, I thought it was a grace period of at least a month…

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My first day being a parent put my mind in a perspective that I didn’t think I would ever experience…a sense of determination that was not there before. And to be quite honest its this sense of determination that scares me sometimes. I’m so determined to be a great parent that I’m terrified that I’m going to fail at it; I experienced that whole array of emotions over the last couple of weeks. I made some mistakes (like we all do, I know) that at first made me question my ability to be a great model for my daughter…a woman that she will want to look up to and be proud of. And I am still fighting with the negative aspects of these feelings, but I have to remind myself to do the best that I can everyday and that’s the most that anyone can ask for.

I am determined to provide the best for my daughter…and not just in the cliche way that every parent wants the best for their child, but I want to offer her the things that I didn’t even know existed up until 3 years ago. I want to offer her the awareness of the power that she will have within herself, the confidence in her own abilities, and the knowledge that she can succeed at whatever she puts her thoughts and mind to. These are all things that I thought about my first day/night as a parent, and all things that I still think about till this day….I do not have a clear path on how exactly I am going to accomplish the things that I want..both as a mom and as a woman, but I have the passion and drive to take the first step 🙂

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Thanks for listening all! Til’ next time…

-Me

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“Mothers are all slightly insane”~ J.D. Salinger

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Happy Tuesday folks!!!!

So out of all the numerous topics that can be discussed, talked about, and “dwelled” upon, I decided to approach a topic that’s rather personal for me. I explained in my very first post that the purpose of this blog is to reach out to individuals all around the world in regards to the various components of life: health, wealth, happiness, personal development, lifestyle, travel…everything. My goal is to Reach Out…Motivate….and Inspire….

This particular post will be geared towards a topic that I have learned much about over the last 21 months, and that would be the joys and frustrations of being a stay-at-home mom. Now, before I begin, let me make a few disclaimers: (1) I understand that there are mothers out there who LOVE being a stay-at-home mom and that is COMPLETELY fine…I am simply speaking from my own, personal experiences that I have had thus far (2) This post is not just for my fellow stay-at-home moms…this can apply to my working moms, and even the stay-at-home dads that are out there…whoever can find motivation from it (3) This post will be one of rawness and honesty….in no way am I saying that every stay-at-home mom (or moms period) feel these things, but I am also not naive enough to believe that I am the only woman that experiences these emotions and feelings (4), Lastly, what I hope to accomplish with this post is to motivate and inspire women (fellas too if applicable) by voicing my own challenges and accomplishments that I have achieved (challenges can be achievements too because I’m still here to talk about them) in the world of parenting. Feel free to share any of your own feelings and/or experiences!!

So…my first year of parenting was rough. I won’t give you guys all the gory details but to say it was a struggle would be an understatement; my boyfriend and I became parents unexpectedly and fast. Moment of honesty #91: we had only known each other for a whopping four months before we discovered that we were pregnant.On top of this little fact, we moved 750 miles away to North Carolina a couple of months later. So, it goes without saying that we were still learning each other and our quirks, while also preparing to be newbie parents, while I was 6 months preggo. Therefore, I was bitchy, unstable, sober, and emotional at the same time that I was miles away from the only support system I had ever known. Once I had our daughter in December 2011, things did get a tad bit more stable, less bitchy, and less stressful (a bit) however, I was still both emotional and sober. I was now entering into the world of post-partum depression, something that I did not even believe truly existed until I witnessed it firsthand. I experienced severe frustration about my body not being my own (that whole breastfeeding ordeal), frustration about being at home, and not having an outlet for said frustrations (“stay-at-home mom” was not a title that I willingly chose), in addition to a host of other frustrations that I don’t need to go into. There were a lot of tears, cussing, and wine bottles in the trash that year (I didn’t stick with breastfeeding…..obviously). However, the BIGGEST struggle for me was that I simply did not know who I was outside of being a mother and a girlfriend, and I had no clue how to discover the answer, If you were to ask me today I would say that I was a pretty good newbie mother and I truly did my best, but it was a daily struggle on the inside….

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So…let’s fast forward to now (you guys won’t miss much)…I still have my days. Although I am doing way more with my time (blogging, starting a business, 3 months from getting my MBA, conquering the Insanity workout series), I still have my days. We are currently in the process of finding some local early head start programs that do not require the sacrifice of a child to attend (because let’s face it, $857/month???) so until that happens I am still holding the title of “stay-at-home mom” and it does indeed get challenging. But come on, my fellow parents know that it is also a blessing….there is truly nothing like watch a child, that you and your partner created, grow and blossom each and every day. Our daughter has, and is, developing her own personality with each day…I see both myself and her father in her so clearly.

I did not write this post to go into the stressful aspects of parenting, I did so because I wanted those out there, parents and dads, to know that they aren’t alone in there frustrations and feelings. I know this because there have been numerous occasions when I might as well have been the only mom on the face of the earth. I learned to grow as a mother…my boyfriend and I have learned to grow with each other…therefore providing a support system that I did not have here at first. I also have been blessed to meet some really wonderful and beautiful people that also has helped me feel less alone…

That is what I would advise anyone to do….get out…find outlets….talk to your partner. If you are a single parent talk to family…friends…hell, see a therapist if need be. Just do not get caught up in the frustrations and stresses that can come from being a parent. Enjoy the daily growth of your child/children…if you pray, do so….I can’t tell you the number of times prayer has saved me from putting my daughter in the dishwasher.

Please, please feel free to leave any comments or feelings…I would love to hear them:) I hope that by sharing part of my story, I have inspired yours….

Til’ next time everyone…..

-Me