Happy Wednesday ladies and gents!! I know, I know, long time no see, right? You would NOT believe the whirlwind my life has been for the last few weeks (including the removal of 4 wisdom teeth, which I am just now recovering from), and currently still is, although I have a somewhat better grip on my day-to-day happenings. So with that being said, the little one is sleep for a couple of hours (let us pray) and I have a moment to breathe (kinda) and much blogging to do….
I am taking a page from a blog post that I follow, The Daily Post (GREAT blog by the way), and decided to write about one of my many firsts…and for those that may want to use this particular idea for their own blog, you can write about ANY firsts…your first love, your first day at a particular job, the first time you had sushi, or made out in public (to each his own, right?). Whatever “first” that you have in mind, go for it! Me personally, I decided to write on the first day that I became a parent….not when I became pregnant, but when I actually had the little ball of snot and bodily fluids that was my daughter (and I say that with the most loving tone).
I cried. I mean of course I did the few, cute little tears of joy when she was first born, but that night, after all the hoopla died down, the in-laws had left, and the nurses were done prodding at me, it truly hit me that I was now 100% responsible for someone else’s life (other than my own obviously) and I cried like there was no tomorrow. I was scared, excited (but still more scared), and anxious about the future (but still even more scared). Lord knows I didn’t have the perfect parents growing up, and really, who did? But I was terrified that I would fail this little girl somehow and she wasn’t even a day old. So I cried, and I cried some more, then I had like 8 cans of Pepsi, and I cried even more. I never knew you could experience postpartum so soon after having a child, I thought it was a grace period of at least a month…
My first day being a parent put my mind in a perspective that I didn’t think I would ever experience…a sense of determination that was not there before. And to be quite honest its this sense of determination that scares me sometimes. I’m so determined to be a great parent that I’m terrified that I’m going to fail at it; I experienced that whole array of emotions over the last couple of weeks. I made some mistakes (like we all do, I know) that at first made me question my ability to be a great model for my daughter…a woman that she will want to look up to and be proud of. And I am still fighting with the negative aspects of these feelings, but I have to remind myself to do the best that I can everyday and that’s the most that anyone can ask for.
I am determined to provide the best for my daughter…and not just in the cliche way that every parent wants the best for their child, but I want to offer her the things that I didn’t even know existed up until 3 years ago. I want to offer her the awareness of the power that she will have within herself, the confidence in her own abilities, and the knowledge that she can succeed at whatever she puts her thoughts and mind to. These are all things that I thought about my first day/night as a parent, and all things that I still think about till this day….I do not have a clear path on how exactly I am going to accomplish the things that I want..both as a mom and as a woman, but I have the passion and drive to take the first step 🙂
Thanks for listening all! Til’ next time…